Too Odd-Pop For Dropbox: 1/2 Of 2014 Mixtape
this is my soundtrack for 2014 so far and i adore these songs and you should too
kacey musgraves—merry go round
lewis—cool night in paris
dirty beaches—lord knows best
aphex twin—alberto balsam
aphex twin—#1 (cliffs)
sky ferreira—everything is embarrassing
sexton blake—bette davis eyes
the xx—night time
songs: ohia—farewell transmission
the exploding hearts—modern kicks
elton john—tiny dancer
yo la tengo—nowhere near
yo la tengo—blue line swinger
fleeting joys—young girls fangs
stevie wonder—sir duke
david bowie—station to station
the flesh eaters—river of fever
the grace period—mod killer
sarah ozelle—the girl i wanna be (lol)
3:02 pm • 29 July 2014
more seminal junctures
the anxiety of waiting for work last week has been overwhelming. bad, heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach, breaking into an occasional cold sweat, taking deep breaths as the elevator sends me up to purgatory on earth. just hoping and pleading to my nonexistent god that my patients are stable and nice and that i won’t kill anyone or make any big mistakes by the time the shift is over.
don’t kill anyone or make any big mistakes by the time the shift is over.
my mantra sets the bar pretty low but as of right now, with five patients with their own sets of needs and concerns and histories and menial tasks, going above and beyond is an unrealistic expectation although it’s not from a lack of trying. four months into this and there’s still so much i don’t know. what the fuck did i learn in nursing school? when does everything start falling into place? am i ever gonna be good at starting IVs? how did i get here? what is that beautiful house? where does that highway go to? am i right, or am i wrong? my god, what have i done?
i’ve spent most of this year in the north coast and my terrific new grad program went by so quickly. it really eased me into the job which is a lot more conducive to learning and safe practice than the orientation-by-fire approach my previous job subjected me to. i learned so much while also realizing i have so much more to learn. i’ve been on my own for three weeks now and i’m kind of getting the hang of it from an organizational standpoint. the aspergers in me hates, loathes, despises getting my routine messed with and unfortunately that’s all this job is: expecting the unexpected and finding a way to get everything done in a timely manner. so i guess i’m learning to unexpect what i’m expecting and expect for unexpected things to happen.
so anyway that anxiety before work. i’m gonna be on the floor in six hours and i’m writing this as There’s A Riot Goin On is playing in neighbor-baiting volume and i think most of it is anticipatory. once i settle into a groove by the third hour most of it is alleviated. i don’t know why but this is the worst part of working the night shift for me. oh yeah did i mention i work nights and really like it? i think i was meant to work here. i’m lazy and i make more money in and it looks like i’m less likely to suffer from a nervous breakdown.
no matter how shitty this job gets i always have to remember to try and stay humble and count my blessings which sounds so stupid and cliche but it’s what keeps me grounded and you lose a certain sense of perspective when you’re living in perpetual stress and chaos. i am so eternally grateful for this job and i love being a nurse and i love the service i provide to people when they’re at the worst moments of their lives. i’m grateful for finally being able provide for myself and my family and being able to pay rent for two apartments and paying off debt on two maxed out credit cards and still have enough left over to eat whatever the hell i want or buy a record or two once in a while (or something equally ridiculous when i’m feeling sassy). i’m grateful for my superstar co-workers. i’m grateful for the truly awesome people i’ve met and became friends with up here and have become my support system and have successfully kept me from going insane. i’m grateful to be in my early 20’s and have a career i want to continue pursuing for the rest of my life. dude, what?
2:47 pm • 29 July 2014 • 1 note
visual representation of how much i’d like to think i’ve changed in the last six years. i graduated high school in 2008. i’m old lol
6:29 pm • 26 July 2014
i’ve been doing 11 mile runs since may and this third one i did this morning was unusually difficult. the sun wasn’t even out and it was probably 55-60 degrees in the mid-morning but by mile 6 i was a dehydrated mess. my feet were on fire and i was going through music on my phone every minute or so just to distract me from everything. i powered through it and immediately chugged a whole bottle of gatorade i had waiting in the car where the trail began. a couple vacationing from las vegas asked me where they can grab some fishing poles and if i knew where the best local fishing spots were. i didn’t know any
5:53 pm • 23 July 2014 • 1 note